Sunday, October 26, 2008

taaaaaaaaeeeoooaaaake me ouuuuuueeeeuuueuuuuuute to the baaaaaallllllllgame.

For those that care, I love baseball. I love it in all it's forms. I'll even watch the little league World Series when ESPN plays it. Which is actually a real "World Series" as opposed to the World Series that is currently playing that involves a bunch of American teams and the Toronto Blue Jays. The last time the Blue Jays were in the World Series, some jingoistic American made the mistake of hanging the Canadian flag upside down. That was about the last time a non-USA team was anywhere near the series.

But this post isn't about baseball. This post is about singing. Well, this post is about singing AND baseball, but mainly about singing.

Get to the point, right?

The point of this post is "I don't want to hear your crappy rendition of the Star Spangled Banner."

I'm an odd patriot. I don't mind if you burn the flag in protest, but wearing the American flag on an Old Navy shirt is disgusting.

In the same vein, I don't mind the Jimmy Hendrix version of the Star Spangled Banner, but I absolutely detest the blasphemous mangling of the Star Spangled Banner that was done at tonight's Game Four of the World Series. It was disgusting. It was like someone took a prime-grade New York Strip and turned it into meatloaf all the while saying "but this is my own recipe." It was like someone took the Mona Lisa and sprayed graffiti all over it claiming "artistic license." It is like a pink New York Yankees hat. It is blasphemous and disgusting.

I've played the Star Spangled Banner probably over 200 times for various geeky band events. For the most part, I've played what is written on the page note by note. But, say I want to get creative, I'll play, well, just about anything else to be creative. The Star Spangled Banner just isn't something I feel the need to improvise on. Or even embellish.

But I'm apparently in the small minority on this one. Apparently if you're to sing or perform the national anthem at an event, it is your civic duty to rape a beautiful piece of music. Want to stick a modulation where there isn't one written? Go for it, baby! Want to sing every pitch on the keyboard for a single word? Sure, why not, you're a talented singer. Destroy that song to show how "talented" you are. Want to end the song on a high note? Sure - sing it darlin'! Who cares if that note is an octave outside your normal register, I'm sure in the heat of the moment nothing will go wrong and you'll hit the note, on pitch and in time.

It's a matter of honoring what a person wrote. We don't encourage people to change the WORDS of the national anthem, why do we encourage them to change the music? We don't allow any idiot to sew an American Flag and put it up just for shits and giggles. We don't encourage people to just reword the Pledge of Allegiance. We don't encourage an eight year old executive administration in re-writing the Bill of Rights (oh, wait...) Why do you feel the national anthem is there for your improvisation?

Maybe it's not a matter of patriotism. It's a matter of music. You sound HORRIBLE. The person who belted it out tonight sounded just as horrible as the 10 year old kid that craps it up at the Jazz games who sounds just as awful as the 6 year old violin player at the Salt Lake Bees game. If it don't sound good, don't play it. How hard is that to understand? If you want to show the world what a horrible singer you are - go on American Idol. If you want to show the country what a patriotic person you are, sing the song like it was written. My ears and sanity depend on it.

On the baseball note, is anyone actually watching this crap? Did they forget how to field, bat and pitch the baseball in between the LCS race and the championship?


rubybean77 said...

Reading your blog is like hanging out and drinking a beer with you. I'm impressed you have been able to re-create the experience online. LOL!!!

Eustice said...

ok, so i agree with your rant for the most part...but picking on the 10 year olds and six year olds... really?

Tronner said...

I'll absolutely pick on the six and ten year olds. If they're going to massacre the piece of music with their youth it's no different than anyone else doing it. They can sing "my little buttercup" in their quavering voice at half-time for all I care. If they can sing the piece right and correct (it's really not that hard of a piece) then fine - let them play it. But, if they're horrible they are horrible. I don't see any flags sewn by four years olds flying over the ballpark. Probably because it would look like crap. The same applies for the national anthem.